~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

It's already been 10 months since The Event, and I still haven't entirely recovered. I've made alot of progress, and almost everyone seems to notice it ('cept for those who've given up trying to help me.) I think I'm better able to handle life's challenges than I was 1 year ago. But also, I'm alot more non-social (not "antisocial") than I was about a year and a half ago. Card games used to be such a healthy social outlet for me. But it's also quite an expensive hobby, and I can no longer affoard it. I can't help but beleieve as tho' I don't deserve nice things. 'Sides I don't really question my circumstances anymore. This is as good as it gets for me.....

I totally would go and get a job right now, but I'm still far too mentally and emotionally fucked up to land an interview, let alone get a job, let alone keep a job. And that's not taking into consideration the fact that I have no marketable skills whatsoever -- I haven't worked at all since 2009! Unfortunately, my stepdad won't ever take me seriously unless I have a job, and my Mum isn't willing to pay for anything beyond my rent & utils and insurance. I only make $15 /week for doing chores for them. Plus my Dad is starting to send me less and less each time -- it used to be $50 every other week, but now it's only $25. (He's struggling alot too, so I can understand why.)

I was dealt such a shitty hand of cards, and I can't take a mulligan. There's afew good cards I can use tho'..... But that's why I gotta start now. The longer I wait, the more impossible it gets.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

In other news, I'm probaly gonna redesign my fursona again. Apparently I'm best as a squirrel after all. I only invented Khaz becos' at the time, I wanted to be good at art as [[REDACTED]], but upon discovering how much I am hated by him, I was kinda stuck like this. This fox forme of mine has outlived its relevance, and therefore no longer serves a useful purpose. Time to shed all my fur and become a squirrel again!



~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~